Eagle_Eye_Reports

ANAMBRA: POLITICS OF LOCAL GOVERNMENT ELECTION

Anambra State, no doubt is a case study in political abracadabra. Queer is the word. In Anambra politics, nothing is simple. Everything is intricately complicated. It is no joke. In Anambra politics, even the ridiculous is sublime. Reason is a stranger; the strange is the commonplace. Commonsense is a common lack. Blackmail is the regular mail; malice is the merchandise. Propaganda ad infinitum.

Peter Gregory Onwubuasi Obi, the executive governor of Anambra State, no doubt is a philosopher – a distinguished philosopher of the sophist order. Nary a governor of Anambra State ever had an instrument of sophistry as formidable as Obi’s. Indeed, an inverted philosopher king is come to government. With the level of sophistry only a philosopher is capable of, propaganda has attained unprecedented heights in Anambra State. Indeed, Obi has taken the ancient game quite few notches further than the conventional. In war, they say all is fair. As I keep saying, politics is an inverted war. In Anambra State, there is war. A war not of ideas or ideologies, but war for the control of the state’s pauperized purse.

Why is a local government election impossible in Peter Obi’s Anambra? Why has His Excellency Mr Peter Obi consistently but craftily dodged conducting local government elections in Anambra State? It is all about money. Yes, it is all about the state’s local government allocations. This is queer. Funny and regrettable indeed. How do I mean?

It is all about having unfettered control of the resources of the third tier of government. It is all about building up a bank. And since there are many eyes on a bank, it is all about building up three banks. Of course, ultimately about the building up of a business. Remember the Anambra trader? He knows what to do with money. He is in business for profits. He could be a compulsive profit maker.

Now the game: All the twenty one local government areas in Anambra State are manned by Heads of Service. These are serving civil servants . They have their first allegiance with Peter Obi; their second allegiance to their careers; their distant third allegiance, occasionally for the very different persons among the very good people of Anambra State.

They are only too glad to earn some extra dough from the perks of office in addition to their regular civil service pay. In other words they are errand men and women for His Excellency Mr Peter Obi. They know nothing about the management of the funds of the respective local governments they supposedly oversee. Both the award of contracts and the disbursements of funds for the twenty one local government areas in Anambra State are handled by His Excellency Mr Peter Obi. Of course the aspect of disbursement of funds is very dear to the heart of His Excellency Mr Obi. The good governor loves the good people of Anambra State so much. As a typical Anambra trader, he can’t let pass, an opportunity of making profit. Our good governor handles the disbursements in order to collect sizeable kickbacks for the good people of Anambra State! Think of the kickbacks to be collected from all the projects going on in the twenty one local government areas in Anambra State. You can understand why Peter Obi’s Anambra will never experience a local government election. As for accountability, come to a company called NEXT at Apapa, you will see a full account of Anambra egunje kickbacks. Ok. If you can afford it, take a trip to South Africa. The wine factory will give you not only a full account of the egunje, it will also offer you a good dose of the precious liquor. A nice trip. Isn’t it? Our good governor loves travelling to South Africa. There, he is inebriated with liquorized Anambra State egunje . As for the lower mortals of Anambra State, why complain? The good governor provided you with fifty air conditioned egunje buses. But remember to come with you transport fare. Kosi wahala OO.

This is why Peter Obi’s Anambra State can never experience a local government election. As for election budgets, Oh! His Excellency loves them. He loves them real big. Why, if why not? The good young green-white-green bank needs them. What is wrong with Anambra State money supposedly accumulating moulds in the vaults of a bank? What is a bank’s concern with local government elections? Everything.

It is a double dilemma. If you allow Peter to expend local government funds, o no n’enyi (he is on top of an elephant). If you obtain an injunction restraining him from disbursing local government funds, o no n’ikpo aku (he is resting on a mountain of cash). The parable: when His Excellency disburses local government fund on projects, he collects his self-confessed egunje. When he is restrained from tampering with local government funds, the money get lodged in his bank and proxy banks! Who says the Anambra trader is not a wizard?

Let me tell you what banks do with money. Every branch of a bank is expected to have a cabal of no less than one billion naira. A cabal in this context means the amount of deposits made by account holders in a particular branch of a bank. Every marketer in a bank is expected to have a cabal of no less than two hundred million naira. That is, the total amount of deposits made by people he or she personally brought to open accounts with the bank. Now, the management is responsible for drilling the branch managers. The branch managers are responsible for driving the marketers. Any manager whose branch falls short of the one billion naira benchmark knows that he would soon say bye-bye to his managerial position. As for the marketers, if you don’t make up your two hundred million naira benchmark, you already know that you are wearing your banker’s suit on borrowed time. Any day the manager remembers you; you get a copy of your sack letter. Grim reality indeed. Is there any wonder that handsome young men have been turned into gigolos, beautiful young ladies into corporate prostitutes and otherwise faithful banker-wives into high profile adulterers? But this is a story for another day.

How lucky is a bank when its chief marketer is a governor of a state! How much more lucky when the state has no local government elections and the said governor controls the allocations of the local governments – twenty one in all! Uh! Business can’t be any better! It is a four year long good time. Indeed, business is good. It is smiles all through for all concerned. Except of course, the good people of Anambra State whose progress has been subverted. Now you can understand better, the rhetoric of local government elections in Anambra. Is there any wonder when this bank, has in the last three years grown in geometric progression? ANIDS is wonderful, developing all sectors simultaneously, especially the fidelity sector!

Ehee! The good people of Anambra State must be given a reason for the non conducting of the local government election! Eheee! There is a readymade excuse. Ngige! Ngige must be the reason. Why not if not Ngige? What is his name? Ngige Cornell Umeh, eh, Cornell Chris Ngige Umeh; Ngige Umeh Cornell Chris. Ok. Chief Cornell Umeh, the Chairman, Anambra Sate Independent Electoral Commission. Oh no! He must be associated to Ngige. Ok. He is the twin of Ngige from the other mother. Eh, ok, Ngige is the child Umeh’s mother miscarried in a dream. Eh, no, Ngige is married to Umeh’s daughter! No, Umeh’s daughter is married to Ngige’s ten year old son. Ok. Now, have it: Umeh’s great, great, grandfather, mother son and sister must be married to Ngige, if not in reality, then in a dream! So if Peter Obi holds local government election, this Cornell Umeh, who is the son of the shadow of the girl friend of the boy friend of the girl friend of Ngige’s mother will definitely rig the election! Reason: he is related to Ngige in a dream! This is ANIDS magic.

Don’t laugh. Absurdity. That is the essence of Anambra politics. Ok. You may laugh as long as your ribs care. In Anambra politics, the ridiculous is sublime. The above is the reason, a governor of a state gives for not conducting local government elections. Funny indeed. But not so funny for it is a game of naira and kobo. Indeed, the Anambra trader is infinitely ingenious.

Ok, there is a reason not mentioned. Emeka Etiaba is fomenting insecurity in the governor’s head. Not in the state of course for our wise president has written to tell our good governor that Anambra is the safest address on the planet. After all, Ngige has the audacity to move about freely in the state because of the White House style security the governor has introduced all over state. Never mind bad belly journalists who only write of kidnaps about the state. They forget that James Bond relocated to Anambra State since March, 2006. Each time the thespian pulls his stunts in the streets of Anambra State, these bad belly journalists mistake James Bond’s crew for criminals. Unknown to them, Ndi Anambra are enjoying the best live entertainments ever in the history of the 21st century! Ok, the Etiabas are fomenting insecurity in the governors farm yard. Therefore, the governor is too busy attending to the insecurity in his farm yard to hold local government elections. Ok. The local government elections will hold when and only if Emeka Etiaba voluntarily leaves the governors farm yard.

Ok, there is a smart one: the local government elections will hold when the National Assembly finally amends the constitutions and introduces two clauses:

1. Nigerian elections henceforth should be option A4

2. Nigerian elections should be conducted in Ghana, supervised by Ghanaians and declared in Nigeria!

But our chief marketer (for I am a shareholder) is doing a great job. In the middle of 2008, an Anambra State official lodged sixty million naira of Anambra State money in a state operated account in a new generation bank along the Enugu-Onitsha Expressway, when our chief marketer got wind of it, our enraged chief marketer issued an executive fiat that the money be moved immediately to our bank. Bravo! Our bank is doing well! Why not if not?

The real reason His Excellency is gall bitter at the Etiabas is that the Etiabas had the effrontery and indiscretion to use and work for the good people of Anambra State, the money our ex but defacto chairman was using to build the cabal of our good bank, thereby causing our young bank untold hardships. But for that temerity of the Etiabas, our good bank would have been competing with Zenith by now!

So who is that fool who is clamouring for local government elections in Anambra State? What does he know about the arithmetic of making money? Does he want to empower fools at the local level who do not know anything about money? Ok, he wants to distract me from the Emeka Etiaba headache and play me into the hands of Chris Ngige? Is he not happy that our bank is growing?

As for ASA-USA, Anambra State Association-USA, that had been calling for local government elections, I will distract them with a carrot; a good carrot indeed. Pray, what would ASA-USA be doing with a Special Adviser on Diaspora? What would be his duties? Issue visas at the American embassy? Ok, read for the governor, those letters that come from America? Why wouldn’t the governor in recognition of the excellence of Ndi Anambra in a America, offer the Diaspora say, commissioner for justice or local government or even finance? What is this special adviser Diaspora thing all about?

It is all about local government elections! I would like to see the ASA-USA maintain its vocal stand on the issue local government elections when this Diaspora adviser begin to issue his advice.

Guardian	Vanguard	This Day	Independent	Nation	Punch	Leadership	Trust	Compass	Mirror	Freshfacts
				Champions	National	Complete Sports